I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
