i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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