What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
