Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
