bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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