You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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