my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This house was built for laser tag.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
