She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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