i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
