My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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