your thong is hanging out like whoa
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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