Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
