Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
