Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
