the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
