First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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