Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
