It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
