cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
