Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
