I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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