I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
