and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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