The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
