we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
