Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
