I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
