The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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