I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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