I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am one with the molecules
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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