i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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