I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
