okay pat passed out under dana's car
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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