And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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