i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
