How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The adults are the big ones right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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