i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
