I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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