You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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