He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
