yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
