We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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