You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
