I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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