Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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