Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
