I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
