just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
