hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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