I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
