"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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