Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
