Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
