If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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