butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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