I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
