I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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