he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
PANTIES FOUND
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