i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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